12324
Usually, when I’m about to write, I feel a kind of irrational resistance, which I have to overcome. Recently, this feeling had been very strong, but today it completely disappeared.
I was trying to conceptualize everything I could find in my consciousness, while meditating on the concept of confidence. First, I used self-talk and then translated its content into text. The result was remarkable. I felt as if I’d done something great, something like writing a poem or fairytale. This feeling reminded me of the best times which I had while writing in Russian. One obvious thing that distinguished this writing from daily bullshit, was that I had an urge to reflect on what had been done after it had been done, without being able to focus on anything else. Early, when I wrote something stunning, I used to take long walks to enjoy this type of reflection. Today, I just walked around my room, trying to figure out what had happened. Frankly speaking, there was nothing brilliant, but what surprised me was a sort of fluency and lack of effort while I was writing. The result wasn’t too much different from what I wrote last month or last week; yet there was something I couldn’t detect, something subtle, which took my writing up to a new level. I compared it with my experience of writing in Russian and came to the conclusion that now I’m at a place analogous to where I was at the end of 2013.
Back: http://proza.ru/2022/05/19/1228
Forward: http://proza.ru/2022/05/21/954